So, in church today Lance was talking about running a marathon for God (being in it for the long haul) or sprinting (quick burst for God and quitting, basically). That got me thinking. It has been a rough week all in all. Grandpa dying didn't help and I've been feeling rather homesick on top of it. This whole "pastor's wife" role has sunk in and my sense of identity and how I fit in has come full circle.
I am currently working from home, doing record reviews online. (Still not cleared to see babies here like I was in KY.) When this job came available, I prayed to God for discernment and Lance & I really feel this is what I am supposed to do. So I think for now I will work from home and not treat children as I have done for the last 16 years. ((GULP)) My head knows this makes sense, that this is best, but my heart is grieving this change in career.
I have also been feeling somewhat lonely and isolated. Since Jordan attends Youth Group near our home and our church is 12 miles away, I spend much time home for her. So, between not going out for work or Bible study or having any friends, it's been a little lonely. I'm feeling a little 1950's housewife!!
I listened to the sermon this morning and I feel I hit the marathon "wall" this past week, with the passing of my Grandpa being the peak of many emotions. I decided I am going to continue this marathon with God. I know this is a season, that He will remain faithful to me and tend to my needs. He has not failed me yet and we've been through a lot together. I'm praying for contentment.
After church, one of the women I know, who is also in the medical field, gave me her number and would like to have coffee. She and her husband asked about my work and I tearfully told them about my decision and they affirmed it. (Thank you, God, for Christian affirmation.) She said she doesn't have many friends and would like to get to know me better. (Thank you, God, for a friend!)
I guess I need a coach in my marathon and pray that the Holy Spirt will lead me in this calling into ministry and as a pastor's wife and mother to Jordan. I pray that I can get through the "walls" that I hit in this marathon.